Today I am staying indoors caring for two sick kids. My daughter has been stuck to me like glue since 4:00 this morning, poor baby.
Having to see your children suffer is the hardest part of being a mother for me. Feeling so powerless, constantly watching and waiting, debating if a visit to the doctor would be helpful, or just a germ-infested waste of time(I find that many times I have brought my children to the doctor, they have caught something while there.)
That being said, today I feel a strange gratitude. I am grateful I have nowhere else I am supposed to be, no work I had to call in for or stress about to-do lists that are not getting done. My job is being done, even as I type this waiting for the ibuprofen to kick in and to feel my darling child to start to cool down. Yes, I am falling behind in chores and housework, but that part of my job is secondary to the health and well being of the small ones I have created.
Today I feel overwhelmed with the choices I have made in my life. I chose the absolute best life I could have chosen for myself. I chose to be a stay at home mother, and I am so grateful that I have the time to devote my every breath to taking the absolute best care of my sick children. I am so glad to have a husband who supports my decision and goes to work, I feel sorry for him today as he was up this morning with us, serving up ibuprofen and cool rags, and then had to go to work and worry about his kids all day. That is a huge sacrifice on his part, on any normal day, but it is moreso on my mind today that he is running on practically no sleep and lots of worry. (Don't worry, babe, "I got this!") He often makes the point to me that the role of working dads is harder than it looks, just like the stay at home mom role. And he is right, especially today. It is hard for him to leave his family behind every day and miss out on the fun stuff and enjoyable parts of their day. But on a day like today, I cannot imagine having to drag myself out of bed and tear myself away from my sick children. The feeling of dread would be overpowering as I tried to focus on the tasks at hand. Luckily, he knows he has me here to count on to care for them and keep him in the loop. And, as we all know, I am an amazing mother who takes the very best care of her kids. (wink, wink)
October 20, 2010
being grateful
September 15, 2010
A Colorful World(warning, opinions)
Our little family has been rocked a few times in recent months by discoveries of what is in the food we eat.
My husband has consumed protein powder for years. You may have seen on the news that several brands have been found to contain arsenic, cadmium, lead and mercury. Heavy metals with your workout, anyone? And this is perfectly legal, because there are very small amounts in each serving. The problem is that heavy metals build up in the body, and when you consume three servings of them a day, many of the brands tested exceeded safe levels. Needless to say, we were scared out of our wits.
I have been walking for a year with a very nice woman. I will not tell her story here, because that is her story, not mine. What I will say is that through the course of our conversations, I have discovered this website that has opened my eyes a bit. That website has an entire program for children with specific medical and behavioral problems, which I have so far been fortunate enough as not to have my children diagnosed with.
Basically, the point I am focusing on right now is that artificial colors are made from petroleum. Gross. Several cosmetic companies are steering clear of using petroleum-based products to apply to the skin. Kudos to them for that, but why is it still acceptable in our society to ingest things made from crude oil? When artificial colors originated, very few things consumed were colored. Now? Kids get candy nearly every day. Their toothpaste is colored. Their mouthwash dyes their teeth blue. They eat colored cereal and fruit snacks, and drink pink milk and drinks in every color of the rainbow. Salmon is not pink enough, mac-n-cheese is not yellow enough, and fruits are not colorful enough.
If a person were to look at the labels of everything their family consumed in one day, I wonder how much petroleum they would have taken in? A little at a time? And imagine if your child had a particular sensitivity to them, what do you think would happen then? And why do we have to have everything we put into our mouths super colorful?
It has always been a source of annoyance to me that the foods that are the least nutritious for my children are the most brightly colored and visually appealing, with characters they recognize on their packages.
I have always been a little concerned about colors, since years ago when I changed my son's diaper after he ate colorful cereal and found the contents to be an unnatural shade of green. But I have never known how much is hiding in children's favorite foods and where it came from. So I am making a change. I am making an effort to find food and drinks for my children that do not have artificial colors in them. And it isn't as hard as you might think. Some juice pouches are free of artificial colors and flavors, others are made from real juice. All I had to do is make sure to buy certain brands and my son still gets to have a juice pouch in his lunch. I found name brand fruit rolls that were made with "simply fruit." When I opened the package to give one to my kids, they smelled so good and fruity they made my mouth water. They aren't bright red and blue, but my kids did not complain a bit, just begged for more. Candy is a little more difficult, because almost all of it is very colorful, but I found chocolate, caramels and lollipops and several other new things to try. My son is old enough to understand that we are trying to stay away from colors, but he was really hoping that the eyeball-shaped Halloween gummies did not have any colors(double gross.) My daughter does not yet understand, so the trip to the store was a little bit more difficult than usual. However, I successfully steered her away from the pink milk, which is a noteworthy accomplishment.
I will let you know how things are going and if I notice any change in my children's behavior. I am not trying to follow the entire program at this time, just staying away from BHA, BHT, and artificial colors. Call me crazy if you want, but if there is a chance I am improving the health of my family, it is something I am going to do. I won't judge you or tell you what you should do with your kids, but I will do what I believe is best for my own(said with a charming smile!)
A sidenote: Why doesn't the government stop the food companies from putting all this nasty stuff into our food, you may ask? This brings up a topic I think best covered in a future post about politics, however, I believe that we hold the power. If we as a people stop buying things that are unhealthy, we remove the demand in the market for them. And if there is no demand, companies will stop making them and start supplying foods that we want. If we buy cookies made with real ingredients and juices made with real fruit, we will see more of them on the shelf. I believe we must educate ourselves and make good choices for ourselves, and the supply will follow demand.
What do you think? Are you willing to experiment with your family's diet with me? If so, we can share recipes and delight in new finds in the store that hit it big with the kids!
Labels: opinions
August 22, 2010
Singin' In the Rain
My darling husband got up early yesterday and spent seven hours helping a dear friend move. He rushed home afterward to take a shower, for it was time for a "family date." When we take our kids somewhere fun, we always call it a date, and they think it is so special. Then when it is time for Mommy and Daddy's date, they know it is no big deal, they go on dates with us all the time. On the agenda this evening was a baseball game with Auntie and Uncle and cousins. As we stood in the extremely long line waiting to get into the game, the heavens opened and poured down buckets on us. Daddy ran to the car and retrieved a tiny umbrella from the car, but by the time he got back, we were soaked.
August 3, 2010
Sad Neglect
We also toured the Fire Station with some friends and had a fabulous time! A dear friend took some pictures of my kids and sent these adorable ones of my daughter to me: apparently, the pictures of my son jumping off of the pillars outside the station didn't turn out! hahaha!
July 26, 2010
Goals
My sweet husband set a goal five years ago: to be a Building Official before the age of 30. He studied like a madman and took excruciating test after test for his many certifications along the way. Last year he became a Certified Building Official, and now gets to put those extra initials behind his name for work(and when he feels like it.) How I admire this man! He knows what he wants and pursues it feverishly until he obtains it. He will not be discouraged, nor does he get bored and lose focus(I wish I had that drive, I am so easily bored.) He has been waiting for the perfect opportunity to come along, and it has! He will cut his commute in half and go to work for his hometown! It is an opportunity that will bless all of our lives in many ways. And he accomplishes his goal with several months to spare before the big deadline. His ability to persevere to accomplish such a far-reaching goal, completely on his own motivation, amazes me. What a great man. We are so excited to see what the future holds!
June 1, 2010
Letters to my new pen pal
I have a "pen pal" for the first time in twenty-plus years. And I am not happy about it. I used to have this pal live ten minutes' drive away. I could see her whenever I felt like it, which was all the time. This person has become a very important person in my life and I do not like putting distance of any kind on that relationship.
Now I am reduced to quick calls when both of us have a minute, which let's face it, is not often. So I have resorted to emailing her whenever I think of something interesting to say. Usually when emailing(or exchanging letters) I wait until receiving a reply before sending return correspondence. I figure that is probably why people lose touch with each other, one person gets busy and the other is left hanging indefinitely waiting for a response to all the probing questions they asked in their last letter(like how are you? and Did your kid's rash clear up?) So I have decided I will just post updates, crazy stalker pen-pal style, here for her to come and visit whenever she misses me(which I am sure is many times daily.)
Here are the first two emails, for posterity and continuity's sake:
Hey babe,
I just wanted to let you know I am thinking of you, always. Like everytime I use vinegar to clean, or hose off the back patio, or look at the bathroom walls. ;) Although I tried the trick we saw on "How Clean is your House?" cleaning the bathtub with baking soda and lemon. It helped only a little. So I tried vinegar on top of the baking soda/lemon and it fizzed a lot, but didn't do much better! Then I gave up and used Scubbing Bubbles, so at least it is triple clean, even if it still looks bad. I am either cleaning retarded(likely) or I need to refinish my bathtub(maybe both?) hahaha
...(omitted stuff too private....)
Hang in there, find a way to bloom where you are planted, even if it is only for a little while. And call me every day! That is my Dr prescription. Smile and give your hubby and the kids hugs from us!
Love, J
(I am not posting her replies, just mine)
Hey,
Thanks. Yeah, I think I inhaled a few fumes too many, I was loving life a LOT there for a few days! haha. Back to normal now. lol I knew I was missing something from the formula...salt! Dangit! Now I am out of lemons! {sigh} Oh, well, maybe next year.
My bangs are needing a trim, where are those darn scissors?? NOT! I think I will just let them grow until I can't see anymore, then I will pretend like Isabelle is you and we can have coffee together every morning! ;)
L grilled a ton of chicken yesterday. I saved you a plate so you better get down here quick before I make you eat mouldy chicken! Just kidding! But seriously...this week is a big week for me. I will be glad when it is over....
(....)
:( I need my best friend to pull me through this week. Yucky yucky stuff. So you better call me because I am going to send you email after email until you are going to think I am crazy, And you'll probably be right. I need my fix!
Labels: pen pal
May 29, 2010
Kindergarten
My sweet Dewey has done it. He has completed his first year of school. He has told me in the last week that he wants to be an actor, President of the United States, and an archaeologist! He can be anything he dreams of, I think the problem is going to be deciding!
It is hilarious to me that the pictures from the graduation are so exuberant! He was definitely at the top of his game, when it comes to hamming it up. He definitely takes after me, shyness at first or when with a large group of people, but loving performing in front of large crowds. His teacher was speechless.
Praise the Lord we lived through it!
Labels: son
May 13, 2010
The Big 1-0
Ten years ago from this moment I was waking up alone for the last time. That day was the day a young girl looks forward to all her life. I wish I had thought ahead and had a picture to post! Ah, well, maybe I'll come back to it. It seems funny to be looking back so far when there are always so many things to look forward to. And it makes me feel old when normally I still feel young(and awkward, don't forget that part!) Last night L and I agreed to another 10, just to see where it takes us. The last decade has been exciting, that much is certain. Life with him is just so indescribably beautiful that while I can't wait for more happy years to come, I want to freeze time on every moment. Happy anniversary, husband. I love you.
Labels: love
May 10, 2010
Happy Mother's Day!
I purchased a second hand vintage Barbie house{and 80's clothes galore} for Chiquita a couple weeks ago, but had not sat down to play with it with her. Of course, once Mommy was playing, Dewey wanted to play. Since He was playing, his superheroes of all shapes and sizes had to crash the wedding. Barbie's dress was like the ghost of bad dresses past, with matching veil of spiky tulle! We did update it with some sassy ankle-strapped stillettos. Of course, Barbie being the amazon she is, the bride towered over the Bat-groom by half. We can't decide on their celebrity couple name though, Barman or Batbie? But still, it was cute to see the spectators lined up, dressed in their very best! You can see the Barbie side of the aisle and the superhero side, can't you? It really was the event of the season. Until the whole affair was broken up by the bad guys!
April 12, 2010
March Writing Journal of a Kindergartener
March 2nd
I got crust(crushed) by a bldr.(boulder)
I am ufrad(afraid) of snac.(snake)
I see a bldr. (boulder)
I am in a log cabin.
I am the cat in the hat.
March 5th
I am in a game.
Mistr cat haw(how) long is your hat?
I am the uletic spidr-man. (electric spider-man??)
I see a leprcon.(leprechaun)
I am a fat cat.
How toll(tall)are you?
March 9th
I am a cunstrution man. (construction)
I am the ridlr. (riddler, from batman)
I am undr the site.(city)
March 12th
Come in me.
I am you.
I see cowe tiping. (cows typing{remember that book?})
Look at the cat.
March 23rd
I am spidr-boy.
I am on nopapr. (newspaper)
I tript irnman. (tripped ironman)
March 30th
I am a pilit.(pilot)
In my home I play.
I found a riddl. (riddle)
I liv(e) in a nest.
At the end of every month I laugh to see these. Not at the mistakes, of course, but at the flood of thoughts that go through my son's head all at once. But some of the spelling makes for a very interesting read! Enjoy!
Labels: son
March 22, 2010
Spring Break
March 16, 2010
Busy Busy
March 11, 2010
My Day Before 3:00
1. Waking multiple times in the wee hours to howling winds.
2. Getting up to a light dusting of snow. It is like Mother Nature's personal message to me after a couple posts ago: DON'T TEASE ME OR MAKE FUN OF ME!!
3. Making a 3-egg cheese omelet for my son, then a 2-egg omelet for my still-sleeping daughter. My son ate them both. Every bite. And a biscuit. Truth. Making pancakes for my daughter instead.
4. Bundling up the kids to take my boy to school, where he and all of his friends made sure to point out that the large pile of vomit their classmate made in the grass yesterday was still there. And had frozen. And that classmate was back today. Praying for my son not to catch that stomach bug.
5. Skipping my walk due to freezing wind. A little sad to miss the gab-fest that accompanies the walk.
6.Watching Snow White multiple times with my daughter while rocking her in the rocking chair, then listening to a playlist I made for her. Singing at the top of our lungs, her punctuating my full belting with the few words she knows of each song. Highlight: Tomorrow, from Annie. Hearing her sing, "I love ya, tomorrow" making me cry. A confused look on her face as she sees the mascara that has smeared because of the tears, and asking "Mom, what is on your eye??"
7. Finally deciding to knock out my housework in one fell swoop, I start some laundry.
8. While I am starting said laundry, she discovers that a juice box makes a really great fountain. All over the floor. And the couch. Deciding that I will ban juice boxes. Having this resulting conversation after scolding my child for making the mess:
She: Mom?
Me: Yes?
She: Are you happy at me?
Me: No, not really. I am angry right now.
She: Mom, I'm your friend.
Me: I know, and I'm your mommy.
9. Adding "mop floor" to my list of chores that HAVE to be done today.
10. Finishing as many chores as I have time and energy for, and resolving not to drive myself crazy over the things I didn't get done.
11. Attempting to get my memory card to work and failing, giving up, rendering this post pictureless.
Labels: son
March 9, 2010
Bicycle
Labels: daughter
March 8, 2010
Baseball!
Today is the day I become a baseball mom. My son was so excited he could not go to sleep last night. Of course, it didn’t help that my daughter kept getting out of bed to hide in his closet. And then he woke up bright and way-too-early this morning to ask his dad, “Am I going to play baseball today?” He could not get dressed or eat without asking questions about every detail that was going to happen, few of which I had answers to. And of course, we have to be having a cold and windy spell, hopefully no rain today during practice though.
I definitely do not feel like we are in Arizona right now. And definitely not Arizona in March. Never in my life have I seen such a long lasting, cold and wet winter here. It is supposed to be spring already! As I write, I see a little sun peeking through the curtains and I hope it will warm us up. Brr. If we are going to be freezing cold, the least Mother Nature could do is send us just a little snow to play in, to give us a reason to leave the house. Not a blizzard, just a couple inches would be great. And if not, then warm us up because it is baseball season here! Happy Monday!
Labels: son
March 5, 2010
What A Job
I must confess, I was terribly cranky today. I thought about waiting to post until I am a bit more pleasant, but then you might not see me for a week or two. I was cranky this morning when I woke up, having been suffering an extra affliction or two on top of the normal, ready to go shopping for a new body(anyone have an extra lying around?) I was cranky even before my son hit his sister and threw three temper tantrums before school. I was cranky before getting a letter from his teacher about an "altercation" in gym class yesterday, and having to talk him down from yet another meltdown before heading into class because he had all but forgotten the incident(apparently he was teasing another boy and the boy hit him, not a major altercation but still a mood-spoiler.) I was cranky before my daughter decided she would rather argue in the middle of the street for 10 minutes than get back into the stroller so we could finish the last half block of our walk. Before she yelled at me as soon as I turned off the car that she did NOT want help with her seatbelt, and then running around the car multiple times because she did not want to go in the house. I was feeling cranky, but I felt like a saint for not losing patience and spanking or yelling at my kids.
I hate being cranky. It makes me crankier when I can't shake it off. So I picked out my favorite cd from about 2002, and cranked it up while I did the dishes, hoping to feel better once my kitchen was clean and I forgot my troubles. It almost worked, too. Until I did the last search for stray dishes before starting the dishwasher and discovered my darling daughter in the bathroom. Amidst a huge mess. Huge, cranky-inducing mess. Then I yelled. Nope. Not a saint. Then as I finished the dishes and picked out the toothbrush, toothpaste, toilet paper roll, and the entire contents of the bathroom trash out of the toilet before scrubbing(and plunging and praying it would ever flush again,) I found myself thinking that I wished I could quit this job. Hand in my resignation and find a different job. One that pays better, or at all, and one where I could better use my talents, which apparently are not keeping my children out of trouble while simultaneously keeping the house clean. Then I told myself that most mothers probably feel this way in a moment of weakness at least once, so I was not going to beat myself up for an errant thought that popped into my head. I am just going to finish my chores, and keep on going. Because this job does have its unbearable moments, moments when you just want to break down and cry and admit that you can't do it. But in reality, these awful days are the exception, rather than the rule.
I never realized before having kids the extent to which my life would be changed. How every thought and every decision would revolve around them and what was best for them, for the rest of my life. This is not a job you quit when it gets hard. This is a job you have to stick it out and find a way to not only live through it, but to make it better on the really cranky days, like this one. So naptime will come a little early today for my daughter, and I will find a way to shake the crankies in time to get my son from school. I wish I could pop a couple ibuprofen and feel better. But since I can't, a little down time will have to do.
March 3, 2010
This is love
On my way out the door this morning, while herding the children into the car like cattle, I found a sweet note from my husband hidden in my purse. I won’t quote it, I will keep his dear words to myself, but suffice it to say that it was just lovely.
He comes into the bedroom most mornings where I am usually still sleeping to kiss me before heading out on his daily hour-long commute to work. I get up a few minutes later to a warm house with a fire in the fireplace waiting for me. He has not complained once this winter about being the first one up in the cold and starting a fire for us. I have even heard him outside chopping wood before 6am. What a doll this man is! And still he found time to tear a corner from his notebook to leave a darling message for me.
He is such a big part of my life. If he wasn’t around, I would not have the life I do. I would not be able to cope with the never-ending doctor appointments, procedures, medical bills and disappointments that have become such a big part of my life. My burden is too heavy for me to bear alone. I’m glad I have such a strong husband to help me bear it. Especially on mornings like this one, where I woke in pain and so grumpy. It took a huge effort on my part to have patience with my children as we all dressed and ate breakfast. They were no different than usual, we were not running late, but still I felt like I was on edge. My husband may never know how he changed my day this morning from bad to good. When I saw his little note, I somehow found the patience and energy to get us all there happily and to take my morning walk when all I had wanted to do was crawl back in bed and call in sick. Even as I write this, the ache is gnawing at me, but I am going to get through today. And maybe tomorrow I will get through tomorrow, knowing I have a partner who will help me, but needs me to pull through until he gets here.
Labels: love
March 1, 2010
February Journal
My darling son writes in a monthly journal at school. The things he writes are so precious I have decided to post them here, I have included original spelling, with my explanations in parenthesis:
February 8th:
What did you sa. (say)
Do you know let(that) it is my birthday
Hos(Whose) birthday is it.
I luv you.
February 12th:
I am a man.
I have sopr moreo.(Super Mario)
I am yr best frend.
Do you like me.
February 16th:
I am up in the sci(sky).
Today is valintimes day!
I luv you
February 23rd:
I so(saw) a ibol.(I saw an eyeball???)
I am fliing(Flying) to my mom and dad.
I so(saw) a bug.
I luv my swedr(sweater).
February 26th:
I can see batmann vs the jokr.
See the bat lit(light).
I can see man-bat.
I can see ban(Bane, a bad guy from Batman.).
What is batman seecret.
Can you believe this is the writing of a kindergartner? Every month we have read his work and giggled at how cute it is, but I hope this is how all five year olds think. He writes sweet little things about us and his sister, hidden among the superheroes of his latest obsession, right now it is batman.
Labels: son
Two Months: excuses, excuses
It has been two months since I have been here. And a new year is well underway with nary a word. Shame on me. I haven't been taking pictures, so that is one good excuse. I have been too busy living my life to blog about it, or think for that matter. But here is the smelliest excuse of all: ready? I have been feeling a little exposed lately. Between my blog and Facebook, far too many people have been exposed to what goes on in my life. Heaven forbid I have a bad day, or a moment of weakness, and hit the "Share" button before my better judgement stops me. And just like that, my bad mood is out there for the world to see. And if I misspelled something, even worse.
My blog has always been my happy place, a world where I do not put my daily annoyances on display, at least until I am able to laugh about them. So when I don't blog for two months, it kinda looks like I have had no happy moments to speak of in that time. That is terrible of me, because that is not the case.
All my life I have had a case of boredom. Things are exciting for me, and I feel motivated, only when they are new and challenging. Once things start to become routine, I get bored and move on to a new challenge(read: I have not yet mastered the motherly and wifely duties, as they are constantly changing and always challenging!) Not a strength of mine and not something I am proud of, as I never seem to stick with things(except the wife and mother-thing!) So I think I will change my attitude about my blog right about now.
This will no longer be my happy place alone. This is my not-just-a-mommy blog, where in between cleaning up messes and kissing booboos, I actually have thoughts that are worth preserving and sharing. I promised someone to try not to try so hard to be so easy. Got that?? No? What I mean is, I have opinions, and I may share them from time to time, and you might not agree with them. I definitely do not agree with many of the opinions I hear, but I have never attacked anyone for disagreeing with me. I ask for the same courtesy from you, many many loyal readers. You probably will disagree with me at some point, and I welcome your well thought-out and factually based opinions, but be nice, please. I am striving to show more of me here, and unfortunately, lately I am not always the perfectly dressed and coiffed version of myself. More often these days, I am the yoga pants-wearing, big sunglasses to hide my lack of makeup, mom dropping off one child at school before bribing the other with lollipops to sit in the stroller long enough for me to get in a walk before showering for the day. Yep, that's me. Wave if you see me, but no honking please. I already know I'm looking hot. And yes, I just tripped over my own foot.