October 20, 2010

being grateful

Today I am staying indoors caring for two sick kids. My daughter has been stuck to me like glue since 4:00 this morning, poor baby.
Having to see your children suffer is the hardest part of being a mother for me. Feeling so powerless, constantly watching and waiting, debating if a visit to the doctor would be helpful, or just a germ-infested waste of time(I find that many times I have brought my children to the doctor, they have caught something while there.)
That being said, today I feel a strange gratitude. I am grateful I have nowhere else I am supposed to be, no work I had to call in for or stress about to-do lists that are not getting done. My job is being done, even as I type this waiting for the ibuprofen to kick in and to feel my darling child to start to cool down. Yes, I am falling behind in chores and housework, but that part of my job is secondary to the health and well being of the small ones I have created.
Today I feel overwhelmed with the choices I have made in my life. I chose the absolute best life I could have chosen for myself. I chose to be a stay at home mother, and I am so grateful that I have the time to devote my every breath to taking the absolute best care of my sick children. I am so glad to have a husband who supports my decision and goes to work, I feel sorry for him today as he was up this morning with us, serving up ibuprofen and cool rags, and then had to go to work and worry about his kids all day. That is a huge sacrifice on his part, on any normal day, but it is moreso on my mind today that he is running on practically no sleep and lots of worry. (Don't worry, babe, "I got this!") He often makes the point to me that the role of working dads is harder than it looks, just like the stay at home mom role. And he is right, especially today. It is hard for him to leave his family behind every day and miss out on the fun stuff and enjoyable parts of their day. But on a day like today, I cannot imagine having to drag myself out of bed and tear myself away from my sick children. The feeling of dread would be overpowering as I tried to focus on the tasks at hand. Luckily, he knows he has me here to count on to care for them and keep him in the loop. And, as we all know, I am an amazing mother who takes the very best care of her kids. (wink, wink)