potty training and life

Potty Training as a Metaphor for Life:

1. Go hard or Go Home: You cannot potty train if both you and your child are not ready. If your child is ready, but you are not able to commit, it won't happen. If you are ready, but your child is not, it won't happen. Just like in life, if you are not really committed, you will end up with a mess on your hands.

2. My Way or the Highway: Even at the tender age of 18 mos, children have a preference. I picked out potty chairs for both of my children, then had to go back again when they did not like the first one. Daughter has decided she wants to go on the big potty with a little seat attached instead of her own chair. My job as her mother is to recognize things like that and to accomodate them whenever possible. Son wanted to pee standing up. Try as I might, I could not get him to sit down to pee. Once I quit trying to make him do it my way, he had success. It was a couple of months before I could get him to sit down for #2, but he had pee down pat by then. So I guess it is not really "my" way, unless you are thinking from the kids' perspective.

3. Find the Fun in Life: If it is something that is exciting and fun, they will do it gladly. I let both of my kids pick out their undies and got them super excited to go. We had potty chairs ready in the bathroom for a while while we talked about how neat it will be when they get to go on the potty. For my kids, at least, if they feel pressure, they resist against it. As much as I dread doing certain things in life, if I make a challenge or contest for myself, with a prize at the end, any task becomes fun.

4. Accidents happen: They are a part of life and certainly part of potty training. Have plenty of back up undies, as well as a mop handy for messes, but avoid making a big deal out of it. It took some convincing to get Son to quit gagging every time Daughter had an accident. There is another well known saying in life that fits here: s*&@ happens(use your imagination, it applies to both scenarios.)
5. Don't Procrastinate: if you do, you will end up cleaning up a giant mess that would have been avoided had you taken care of it five minutes earlier. Trust me, don't wait for the next commercial break. That is what TiVo is for.
I have been spending a lot of time in the bathroom lately keeping my girl company, and it may have addled my brain, but it seems to me that so many challenges in life can be conquered using the same concepts as when we first learn these basic skills. It is really hard to figure things out at first, but when you get the hang of it, it becomes like second nature. Just be sure to heed Nature's call.

The difference between boys and girls

I never had a Barbie corvette when I was a girl. So I would raid my mom's closet for the highest heels I could find. Those were my Barbie corvette. And let me tell you, Barbie was looking HOT in her new car! Now I find Daughter already raiding my closet for MY hottest heels. And her mommy loves stillettos. She puts them on and walks around just like mommy. Her feet are so tiny they fit in the level part of the shoe, so she is really quite stable in them. Consequently, I am always picking up scattered heels from every corner of the house.

This morning Son ran by the kitchen, where I was doing dishes, with a black stilleto in his hand. I stopped him and asked if he would please put it back in my closet. He said, "Okay, Mom, but your shoe looks like a gun!"

And that, my friends, is the difference between boys and girls.

Bubba and Sister

It is a beautiful thing to see the adoration grow between brother and sister. When Sister wakes up from her nap, Brother runs to be the first to greet her. He has figured out a way to get her out of her crib safely. The first time he did it I was a bit freaked out, then I stood in the doorway the next few times to see how he did it. Now I think I can trust him to be careful with her. I can't really describe it, but he manages to lower her all the way down without dropping her. And Sister just thinks he is the bee's knees(although I really am not sure where that expression came from.) When Son blows bubbles in his milk, Daughter has to blow bubbles also. When Son runs around like a wild man, Daughter runs right behind him as fast as her size 4 baby feet will carry her.
The shirt Daughter is wearing in the picture belongs to her brother. I have not had this shirt on a hanger in at least a month. It comes out of the dryer, and as Daughter is usually helping fold clothes, she snatches it and tries to rip off the shirt currently on her back as she says "shirt off." Then I ask her if she wants to wear her Brother's shirt, and I hear "no Bubba's shirt...mine!" So I put it on her. Then it hits the dirty clothes hamper at the end of the day. And repeat.
Son equally adores his sister. Whenever he sees a girly toy on tv, in the store, etc. he always wants to get it for his sister. He knows how to work the DVR. Several times a day I hear, "Do you want to watch Wow Wow, Sister?" (her fav. show which he looks for the w's to identify. Blows. My. Mind.)
When Daughter goes potty, she gets a princess sticker to put on her chart on the wall. She is so proud of herself! She yells "Gook, Bubba, sticka!" She wants to make sure he knows about her big accomplishment. I thought I'd share one thing I have come up with to(hopefully) nurture a positive relationship between them. Son often accidentally hurts her...knocks her over, runs over her, throws a ball too hard, slams her finger in the door. You get the picture. When he hurts her, I have him pick her up and hug her and make sure she is ok. I have noticed that sometimes "I'm Sorry" is so easy to throw out without showing true concern for the other person. So I have him follow through and hug her and comfort her until she feels better. Daughter has started to do the same thing on her own. If she does something that makes you say "ow" she will immediately hug you and say "Tarry, Tarry" until you say that it is ok. I hope that showing love and true concern for each other will continue to be a habit in all their relationships.

Finally, a new post!

As you may have noticed, I have neglected to post for quite some time. It is not that I have nothing to say, but I just prefer to have most of my posts accompanied by a visual aid. I have not gotten the pics off of my camera in a shamefully long time. I had a little memory card scare, thought I'd lost them all, but thankfully recovered them. So I won't overload you with pictures all at once, I thought I'd draw them out to make it interesting.


Motherhood is hard. Don't get me wrong, I love it. I love being with my children and my life at home. But I constantly worry if I am doing it right. I took a class called Developmental Psychology a few years ago. I remember being so glad I took it before I had kids because NOW I understand what makes them tick. HA. HA. Don't get me wrong, it did help. But my children are extensions of me. Which makes them very unusually complicated. And crazy smart. So smart they scare me sometimes. I have to closely supervise their every move.


I have often wondered why it seems to be so much harder for me to keep things tidy than everyone else on the planet. I have two theories:
1. I am not Martha Stewart. I would prefer to have fun with my kids and cook gourmet-ish meals than clean all day. I try, but it seems to be spectacularly hard for me to simultaneously have the entire house perfectly clean at once. Is this just a myth? Is it even possible?
2. My kids are too smart. I will emerge from a perfectly clean room to discover permanent marker on the wall in the next. Or pink craft paint on the carpet(both true stories.) So I am not giving up, of course, but I just wonder if it is like this for everyone. One friend told me she gets time to clean if she puts on a favorite cartoon to keep them occupied. Really? I get about 5-10 minutes before I get nervous.


I love my children more than life itself. I love being their mother. Really. But being a stay-at-home mother seems to be a job the rest of the world does not take seriously. I don't know about the rest of them, but I have never seen Oprah. I don't watch soap operas. Sometimes I get time to watch whatever is recorded during naptime, but my point is that it is a very busy day every day making sure the kids are safe, happy, clean-ish, fed, and properly nurtured in their psychological growth.

So I just wanted, as a prelude to my next paragraph, and picture, to give a picture of the stay-at-home-hood as I see it. It is sometimes a thankless job for which you receive no monetary compensation, but L and I chose this sacrifice as what we thought would be the best way we could raise our children. And I still believe that. Some people devalue what we do as stay at home moms. I just wanted to emphasize what an important and difficult job it is.





So lately I have been a bit concerned for my oldest child. Is he getting the proper attention since we had his little sis? He was the center of the entire planet for 3 years, no kidding. And while he still is, he has to share the spotlight(and mom's lap) so I wanted to make sure he had some special alone time with mom while his sister takes naps. I found this cute little project on clearance, it cost $2.50, I think, but was several days' worth of quality time with my boy. You learn so much about your child when you watch them work on a project. He is my little perfectionist in the making(sorry, kid.) He does not like to accept help(again, sorry, got it from me.) He wants to do things juuuuust right and gets frustrated when he can't make his hands do what he imagines(again, sorry.) But I got the chance to really encourage him and tell him what a great job he was doing. I secretly hoped that this would make a memory that would last forever for him. It feels good to have someone praise you, even if your project doesn't turn out exactly like you wanted. And it is so important to have unconditional love and acceptance. And I didn't say a word about getting paint on his clothes.


I have seen some old-school parents from past generations who want their kids to be so perfect that they end up constantly picking at them. What they don't realize is that is a very bad habit to start. It damages the child's self esteem for a lifetime. When the child grows into an adult, the parent still has that habit and is very critical of their every move. It is damaging not only to the child's psyche, but the relationship with the parent as well. I am not pointing any fingers here, and I am definitely not referring to my parents. They have very gracefully transitioned into my adulthood and being supportive of my decisions, etc. Just thought that was important to note. I am just trying to be very aware of my own perfectionism, and not expecting it out of my children. I try to give them verbal encouragement whenever possible. Not even I can live up to my own perfectionism, much less a four-year-old. So when he 'accidentally' cuts a hole in his inflatable ball pit, I play the realistic comforter role. "I am sorry that happened, but maybe you can learn a very important lesson about taking care of your things." Oh, goodness, am I doing this right?

*perfectionist alert* I found a typo and could not let it go uncorrected...