Singin' In the Rain

My darling husband got up early yesterday and spent seven hours helping a dear friend move. He rushed home afterward to take a shower, for it was time for a "family date." When we take our kids somewhere fun, we always call it a date, and they think it is so special. Then when it is time for Mommy and Daddy's date, they know it is no big deal, they go on dates with us all the time. On the agenda this evening was a baseball game with Auntie and Uncle and cousins. As we stood in the extremely long line waiting to get into the game, the heavens opened and poured down buckets on us. Daddy ran to the car and retrieved a tiny umbrella from the car, but by the time he got back, we were soaked.

So what do you do when you have an umbrella and you are already soaking wet?

Why, dance in the puddles, of course!

Eventually the rain cleared and they started the game. Chiquita got to see her best friend Tuffy, and had a nice conversation with him:

And my son finally posed for a picture with him!!

The game only lasted an inning and a half before the rain hit again, but it was just long enough to see a home run and get some cotton candy and popcorn! The game was called, so we went to a restaurant to eat hot dogs and pretend they were from the ball park. They were really good and covered in chili, can't beat that! And my sweet husband bought some extra food and gave it to a hungry woman outside who had nothing to eat. What a guy! I am reminded of something my mom said to me once. She and my Grandma were having a conversation and concluded that my husband was going to heaven for sure. He is such a good guy, always the first one to jump to help out anyone in need, whether a stranger, acquaintance, or my grandma the time she rolled out of her chair at the 4th of July parade(she was fine!) He is so generous, kind and full of joy that you can't help but be drawn to him. I know I was!

The Big 1-0

Ten years ago from this moment I was waking up alone for the last time. That day was the day a young girl looks forward to all her life. I wish I had thought ahead and had a picture to post! Ah, well, maybe I'll come back to it. It seems funny to be looking back so far when there are always so many things to look forward to. And it makes me feel old when normally I still feel young(and awkward, don't forget that part!) Last night L and I agreed to another 10, just to see where it takes us. The last decade has been exciting, that much is certain. Life with him is just so indescribably beautiful that while I can't wait for more happy years to come, I want to freeze time on every moment. Happy anniversary, husband. I love you.

This is love

On my way out the door this morning, while herding the children into the car like cattle, I found a sweet note from my husband hidden in my purse. I won’t quote it, I will keep his dear words to myself, but suffice it to say that it was just lovely.



He comes into the bedroom most mornings where I am usually still sleeping to kiss me before heading out on his daily hour-long commute to work. I get up a few minutes later to a warm house with a fire in the fireplace waiting for me. He has not complained once this winter about being the first one up in the cold and starting a fire for us. I have even heard him outside chopping wood before 6am. What a doll this man is! And still he found time to tear a corner from his notebook to leave a darling message for me.


He is such a big part of my life. If he wasn’t around, I would not have the life I do. I would not be able to cope with the never-ending doctor appointments, procedures, medical bills and disappointments that have become such a big part of my life. My burden is too heavy for me to bear alone. I’m glad I have such a strong husband to help me bear it. Especially on mornings like this one, where I woke in pain and so grumpy. It took a huge effort on my part to have patience with my children as we all dressed and ate breakfast. They were no different than usual, we were not running late, but still I felt like I was on edge. My husband may never know how he changed my day this morning from bad to good. When I saw his little note, I somehow found the patience and energy to get us all there happily and to take my morning walk when all I had wanted to do was crawl back in bed and call in sick. Even as I write this, the ache is gnawing at me, but I am going to get through today. And maybe tomorrow I will get through tomorrow, knowing I have a partner who will help me, but needs me to pull through until he gets here. 

Feeling Thankful...Post-Christmas letter.

I think I am a little backwards this season.  Today I am feeling thankful.  I think I am about a month and a week late for this feeling to be coming on strong, but that is me these days.  I am thankful to be alive, I am thankful for my family.  I am thankful for this week of not-so-busy schedule and for my two sweet children to be playing together so nicely.  I am thankful to have had many Christmas parties to attend, even if I had to skip a couple, because that means we have many friends and family who love us.  I am thankful to have had another year with the people I love.

I am thankful for this beautiful girl.  She amazes everyone around her with her crazy smartness, even as she cracks us up with the funny things that come out of her mouth, like in this picture, she is singing:

And in this one, she is thinking about what she wants for Christmas: hmm.....

I am so very thankful for my son, and his maturity and kindness.  I forget sometimes that he is five years old, sometimes we have conversations as if he is an adult.  He had a Christmas list for himself, of course, but he was just as excited to pick out gifts for other people in the family, as well.  He wanted to find a Cowboys action figure for his aunt Sonya, and Twilight action figures for me(seeing a theme here?) He is such a special soul and is going to be an amazing man someday.

And then there are these two crazy kids:

We have been together 14 years now and are approaching our 10th wedding anniversary, already.  A long time ago from these days:

(In case you missed this picture from a couple posts ago, or wanted a better comparison picture.)

How time flies when you're having fun!  My, how we have grown up.  Just the other day we were talking about the ways we had changed, and the ways we'd stayed the same.  We have learned a lot about ourselves in the last year or two.  We have learned how to stick together in times of crisis, and what it takes to endure hard times when they seem to be never ending.  We have learned to embrace the fun and joy in life, even when you only get tiny glimpses of it in your day.  We have gained a new appreciation for each other, and the different things we do to support each other.  We love the family we have created together, and wouldn't trade it for anything in the world.  I am thankful for the boy in this picture, as well as the man in the picture above.  They are the same, but different to me.   I love them both.  The boy always had a smile on his face.  He had many friends, but managed to make me feel like I was the only person in the world.  The man is still a dreamer, like the boy, but now he takes action.  He works hard to make his dreams come true, then he always has a new dream ready to work toward.  He handles things with maturity.  He is loyal and selfless to a fault.  He is an incredible man.  Being the boy and having that side peek out from time to time is so precious.  Seeing him play and joke with his son and being wrapped around his daughter's tiny little pinkie finger warms my heart.  He is an amazing dad. 

So this is why I am feeling thankful today.

Happy Birthday Dear Husband...

Today is the special day my husband was born, many(but one less than me) years ago.  So today, he is a year younger than me(again.)  Yesterday he was two years younger than me.   I felt like such a cougar.  But today, for another 10 months, I am only one year older than he.  Who cares, right?  I do.  Maybe when we are 90 and 91 one tiny little year won't seem so much, but 29 and 30...wow.  Who is that old broad he's married to?  With a little help from Oil of Olay(I guess I should buy some)  I hope to age slower than he does so that in 10-20 years, I will look younger than him.  I am hoping his gray hair comes in quickly, that will help.  Just kidding.....but am I?

So I struggle every year with making sure my darling has a good birthday.  I always buy his presents waaaaay too early and can't hold out, so he has had his birthday(and Christmas) presents for months now.  So every year I sigh when the event comes 'round.  What else can I do to make his birthday memorable?  Like the year my son was born, and was four months old.  My dear partner woke me gently and whispered, "Do you know if I have any clean underwear?"  True Story.  I did manage to find a pair for him, but still.  Bad wife of the year.  So this year what can I do but write a loving and sweet tribute to him that he will read again and again.  Aren't I already doing that?  Hmmm...it doesn't look like it.  New Paragraph.

Happy Birthday, my darling husband.  I remember the first birthday I shared with you.  You were turning 15, and we were at a rehearsal for the Messiah, when our choir director requested it of us.  I remember thinking, "Oh, crap.  He is just turning 15!"  I was really feeling like a cougar in those days.  But I know how you love it.  We have been through many many years since then, some easier and some tougher.  But somehow we have made it through all of them together every day.  I look forward to sharing many more birthdays with you, and I promise that each one will be more special than the last.

Here we are at 17 and 18, I think:

See the stars in our eyes?  Ah, young love.

And here we are, last weekend. 

Sorry, for some reason this one wouldn't go any bigger.  And maybe you don't want to see our wrinkles up close anyway.  I didn't.  Just kidding.  I hope you have a great birthday, babe.

Another Proud Moment

Pride is supposed to be a deadly sin, right?  So maybe that is the big sin I am guilty of.  So why don't I feel guilty?  I am so proud of my family.  They impress me daily with things they learn and accomplish. 
Today I'll share how proud I am of my husband.  He works so hard to provide for our family.  He is the reason I am able to be a stay at home mom with my children, which is something that is very important to me, as you may have guessed, seeing as how you have memorized my every blogging word, I'm sure.  And if that wasn't a good enough reason to be proud of him, he has been studying for 5 years straight.  On top of being gone 11 1/2 hours a day, he has stayed up at night nearly every night with numerous dry and heavy texts.  And taken many expensive and excruciating exams.  But now with all of his effort he has accomplished one of his long-term goals: he now can claim the title of Certified Building Official.  This means he now has extra initials of C.B.O. behind his signature and qualifies for many exciting positions for Building Officials all over the country.  He is a hot commodity, let me tell you.  And his skills are much sought after outside of our home, as well. {wink}
And all this from a man who gets up at 5am to chop wood and start a fire so his family can wake up to a warm house. 
How could it possibly be a sin to be proud of all of that?   Well, I do not apologize for it.  I am proud to be married to such a man.  I am proud of all his accomplishments and I am proud of him as a person.  I am proud to walk beside him on this long journey we call life.

Awww!

Look what I got from my darling tonight.  He is so sweet.  I won't lie, I did drop a hint a couple weeks ago, but he remembered and picked these up on his way home from work for me.   I love them, I love that they are not cut and still alive(ask me again in a couple weeks as to whether they still are) and so cute.  Now I am off to google how to take care of them, as I have been born with a black thumb.  I hope you have a lovely weekend with your loved ones.  Cherish them every day.

Happy Birthday to Me

I decided last year that I was never going to reveal my age again.  A lady never does, you know.  Son would ask me  how old I was and I would tell him it was a secret, all he ever needs to know is that his mommy is young and beautiful.  True story, but obnoxious, right? (right)

So last year I turned none-of-your-business, and this year I thought I was going to turn a-lady-never-reveals-her-age.  But apparently with age comes wisdom, and who cares, really?  So this year I turned 30.  Maybe next year I will turn a-lady-never-reveals....

My dear sister showed up with a present for me first thing in the morning(self portraits to follow of me in my lovely pink ensemble,)  Then a visit from a dear friend with yet another one.  Numerous texts and calls and messages later, I am feeling pretty popular this year.  30 may not be so bad, or were they all just feeling pity for the old lady?

My darling husband took the day off to pamper me, and in doing so sent an email to his director telling her that I was celebrating my 29th birthday.  Heehee, I guess the lies were taking effect on him finally.  And now I ruined it by coming out with the truth.  Darnit, will I never be able to lie effectively?

And he made from-scratch pancakes for me.  All by himself for the first time(with a little stirring from a lovely assistant.)   I just helped tell him the recipe(I guess I should write it down for future generations to know of my splendiferous pancakes.[Oh, wait, I think I kinda posted it on my recipe blog already{note to self.}]

Then we went for a romantic dinner to a lovely place we hadn't been in many years.  It was almost quiet.  We did make a small mistake in choosing a secluded table in the corner.  There was a very talkative person at the next table, so talkative that I think the whole restaurant listened to him prattle on.  The whole time.  I whispered at one point to L, "Has he even stopped to take a bite?"  Apparently he had, but somehow the one-sided chatter hadn't been interrupted long enough for me to notice.  It was sorta funny, and the food was delicious, so we didn't mind too much.  We just stared into each other's eyes in between checking out the numerous tattoos on the waiter.  It was really quite romantic.  Then a romantic trip to a not-so-romantic store that I will not name.  Luckily, I wore my "comfortable" heels.  Meaning I can shop blister-free, but not pain-free.  Beauty is pain.  My mantra for this year.  Then to pick up the kids from my lovely sister/sitter-for-the-night.  Then back home for comfy clothes and TV shows.  All in all, one of the best birthdays I've had.  So I might as well celebrate it.  With a giant ice cream cake.

The End.

Dear Husband

I was thinking about my sweet husband this morning after he left. He looked very handsome and toned in the outfit he chose to wear. His pants are like an inside secret between the two of us, history that we have. It makes me smile to see him wear them.

I hope he enjoyed the dinner I made especially for him last night. It is a bit of a challenge to cook healthy and delicious meals at the same time, but I try.

I listened to him breathe last night as we lay in bed. I usually fall asleep quickly, but for some reason it took me a little while and I got to hear the sweet sounds of his breath deepening as he finally got to relax for the day. I was grateful to hear it because I worry if he is getting enough rest, as hard as he works and as late as he stays up studying sometimes.

I love him so much it is hard to be a burden on him sometimes when I do not feel well. I just want to be nothing but sweetness and light, an angel who is always radiant and patient, beautiful even in the pain of childbirth, smiling as I push out his cherubs into the world. Unfortunately, I am but a lowly human and that means sickness with the health, poor times with the rich, bad times along with the good. But somehow, when you are with that perfect person, even the worst of times are still good times. So I'll take the dirt, sweat, blood, pain, and tears, as long as he comes with it.

Happy lunchtime...

Hi Honey,
Hope you're having a great day! I am excited for the plans tonight, I hope you get a chance to relax a bit. Thanks for climbing up on the roof yesterday, I can really feel the difference today. I appreciate you so much and everything you do. It was so nice giggling and teasing with you last night, we should turn in that early more often. Love you more than a cheese sandwich.

Hi, Honey!

I am a horrible texter. If I have ever sent you a text message, you probably already knew that. Between my run-on sentences, colorful adjectives, and my stubborn refusal to learn the language( b4, 2nite, etc.) my texts usually get broken up into 2 or 3 if I don't catch it first. If I do catch it first, I have to then edit down to 160 characters, which is torture for a detail-loving girl like me. So texters beware....
I like to send an occasional sweet surprise text to my sweet husband wishing him a safe trip to or from work(it's a long one) or just to have a great day as his beautiful and loving, sweet wife pines for him at home. Unfortunately, I have a tendency to wax poetic, and there is only so much I can do with a mere 160 characters. And "I love you" can be as exciting as a cheese sandwich when it is repeated exactly the same day after day after day...(did you see that movie?)
So I know that my husband reads my blog. Some of my posts are geared for him especially to lift him up a little on his lunch break(or so the romantic in me hopes)So this part is for you, Luis: This is what I would send as a text if I wasn't limited by space.
Thanks for being such a hard worker. I missed you this morning when you left exxxtra early, but I know it is for me and the kids that you are working so hard. I am grateful you have a job to go to! You provide so well for us, and all by yourself. That is a very difficult thing to do, especially in this day and age. I look forward to being more of a contributor in that area, but thanks for bringing home the bacon! I can't wait to see you tonight and will cook you whatever you want and spoil you rotten because you deserve it. I think of you constantly and hope you are having a great day! I love you more than a cheese sandwich. The end.
PS I hope you are eating a healthy lunch. The end for real this time.

today...

Is my anniversary. The official wedding one. We have lots of anniversaries, but when you have been together as long as we have, eventually you stop celebrating all but the biggie. I remember when L and I, accompanied by a tiny baby-food eating Son, went out to eat for the ten-year anniversary of our first date. We went to our favorite restaurant(may it rest in peace) and were seated at a little private table. The waiter so graciously closed the curtains to enclose us in privacy. That was a very special anniversary dinner for me.

I have to tell you something special about my husband. He never forgets a special day. Never. When I get up to go to the bathroom at 12:30am on my birthday, he remembers to say "Happy Birthday!" even though it barely is. So this morning, we woke up to cuddle around 4:30 before he got up to go to work, and the first thing he said to me was "Happy Anniversary." I barely remembered my own name at 4:30am, but he remembered right away that it was a special day. He got up and got all dressed up for our date tonight, since he is picking me up on his way home from work and wouldn't have time to change. (Thanks, sis, by the way, for watching the kiddos.) These are just a couple of tiny reasons why I love him. So much. Like a ton. (sigh of bliss.)

obligatory Mother's Day post

Happy Mother's Day, everyone!

Ok, got that out of the way...

The best gift I got for Mother's day was a couple hours when both kids napped and I had some time to spend with my husband during the day, just the two of us. We usually don't see each other in the daylight hours, and when we do, it seems we are always rushing here or there, having things to do. But for this one day, we spent it just together. No honey-do, no chores, just time together. Bliss. To top it off, he got me some sweet and thoughtful gifts.

Oh, and I can't forget to mention my kids' gifts. Son worked really hard at preschool to make a bouquet of flowers that will never die, and a recycled vase to hold them in(see picture above.) Daughter gave me a gift no money could buy: a whole day accident free! Clean, dry panties all day are more than a laundry-hating mom could ask for.

Here is my Mother's Day vow: I promise to be one deep breath more patient each day. I promise to remember that my kids are four and(almost) 2 and allow them to be the ages they are. I promise to teach with just enough words to fit their attention span, and just enough information to last them until they get older. I promise to forgive quickly, hug quickly and anger(more) slowly. I can't promise not to make mistakes, but I will promise to ask forgiveness from my children when I do. I promise to laugh, love and be the best mom I can be.
Because I can't be anyone else. And wouldn't want to be.

Are You Lonesome Tonight?

I am. L is out of town for a meeting. I put the kids to bed and the silence is deafening. It makes the ringing in my ears very loud. I just can't get that Elvis song out of my head, so I'll post the lyrics. See if you can read them without hearing his voice in your head. I was going to put it in my playlist, but that would be cheating.

Are you lonesome tonight,
Do you miss me tonight?
Are you sorry we drifted apart?
Does your memory stray to a brighter sunny day
When I kissed you and called you sweetheart?
Do the chairs in your parlor seem empty and bare?
Do you gaze at your doorstep and picture me there?
Is your heart filled with pain, shall I come back again?
Tell me dear, are you lonesome tonight?
I wonder if you're lonesome tonight
You know someone said that the worlds a stage
And each must play a part.
Fate had me playing in love you as my sweet heart.
Act one was when we met, I loved you at first glance
You read your line so cleverly and never missed a cue
Then came act two, you seemed to change and you acted strange
And why I'll never know.
Honey, you lied when you said you loved me
And I had no cause to doubt you.
But I'd rather go on hearing your lies
Than go on living without you.
Now the stage is bare and I'm standing there
With emptiness all around
And if you won't come back to me
Then make them bring the curtain down.
Is your heart filled with pain, shall I come back again?
Tell me dear, are you lonesome tonight?

Makes me want to pick up my guitar(and fake it, I'm still a beginner.)

By the by, has anyone seen "The Baxter?" I caught it the other day on IFC. I think I'm a Baxter. (Someone please contradict me!) If you don't know what I'm talking about, I am too embarrassed to explain why I think I might be a Baxter, I'd rather you watched the movie.

Once There was a Girl...

...who was wandering through her life, willy-nilly as the wind blew her. She was insecure and indecisive and made her choices as she was thrown into them by circumstance. If a boy liked her, she liked him back(for a minute, then threw him back.) If something came easy to her, she did it. If something was difficult, she didn't. She was beautiful, but didn't know it. She was intelligent and talented, but she didn't think so. She had a few friends, but didn't feel like anyone really cared about her or understood her...

Then there was a boy. He was a fighter. When he saw something he wanted, he fought for it. If there was something he cared about, he would never give up until he was the best, and even then he would not stop. He was very handsome and charismatic, everyone wanted to be around him. He was easy to get to know, but hard to know well. He had friends by the hundreds, but still, he needed something...

Then one day the boy saw a picture of the girl. He saw something in her. He knew she was destined to be his. And he was destined to belong to her. He met the girl, but the wind blew her in another direction. He was undaunted, and chased the windblown girl until she saw him. Really saw him. Then the girl saw in his eyes what he had already seen in hers...and they never parted.

The Beginning.

Happy Hearts

My sweetheart and I went to a V-day banquet last weekend. We ate yummy catered Mexican food, something our dieting palates have not had for a very long time. There was a fun "Not-so-Newlywed" game, an Elvis impersonator(young skinny Elvis, he did a hilarious impression.) And I graced the lucky room with a few performances as well. I always forget until after the fact that maybe I should have invited my sweet mama to come see me the last few times I have solo'd, since she is responsible for my educational beginnings.
Sorry, Mom.
I just thought I would share some of the thoughts that ran through my head at the time.

Grateful that...
-my full tummy did not get in the way of my pitch.
-I did not cry, as has happened a few times when I put too much emo. in it.
Likewise, my voice didn't break.
-they had a mic so I did not have to yell it
-standing O=blushing but happy J

Happy that...
-I could just see the giant proud smile on my date's face as I imagined his
shaking knees (he does this when he is nervous or happy.) He was
nervous for me, since I don't really get nervous, old pro that I am and all.
- I closed my eyes and just let it go. All for him, I did not let him hear me
practice so it would be a surprise which songs I did and how I did them.
- he was there to see me, he has missed the last few times I'd solo'd.
It was a special night for me, and I loved sharing it with the one I love the most.
I hope you had a happy and romantic Valentine's day with your sweethearts, too.

P.S. The three songs I sang are included in my playlist to the right...care to guess which ones?

That's All I Know

I bruise you.
You bruise me.
We both bruise too easily,
too easily to let it show.
I love you and that's all I know.
All my plans
Have fallen through
All my plans depend on you
Depend on you to help them grow.
I love you and that's all I know.
When the singer's gone
Let the song go on...
But the ending always comes at last
Endings always come too fast.
They come too fast
But they pass too slow.
I love you and that's all I know.
When the singer's gone
Let the song go on...
It's a fine line between the darkness and the dawn.
They say in the darkest night, there's a light beyond
But the ending always comes at last
Endings always come too fast
They come too fast
But they pass too slow.
I love you and that's all I know.
That's all I know.

Do you remember this song? It is so poignant, so simply sung, I can't describe it's beauty. But I thought I'd share the lyrics with you today. They say we hurt the ones we love the most, things do not always go the way we planned, but I love you...and that's all I know.

Reminiscing

So, I just finished reading Twilight. Finally. For the second time(in two days.) And I think I'll reread the good parts before I give it back(tomorrow, I promise!) And I have had an epiphany about why I could not get enough of this book. It reminds me so much of my husband(not the vampire parts, of course!) and our early relationship in high school. He was so mysterious, so intense at times. I have told him for years that is how I can tell when something is wrong...his eyes turn black. We were so wildly attracted to each other it was hard to contain within ourselves. This book brought back a lot of memories for me, I hope all of you can say the same about your significant others. I admire him and love him in so many different ways now, but I had forgotten "the early years" of teenage intensity(and hormones?) I am so glad that I can still have chills and reminisce about my high school sweetheart without making my husband jealous. By the way, he was the Handsome Stranger mentioned a few posts ago...it recently occured to me that not everyone would get that. He just stops in for a short while before heading out on the nights he has classes, so it is fun to pretend. Just thought I'd clear that up...back to the good parts of the book.

A Couple Hours In the Life of...

I just had a really busy, but fun and romantic night that I wanted to remember.


5:15: Start cooking dinner.
5:55: A Handsome Stranger comes in looking ever so professional, yet still HOT!
6:00:Eat dinner with Handsome stranger and the kids.
6:30: Handsome Stranger and I feed each other dessert...pumpkin pie.
6:45: Kiss Handsome Stranger as passionately as kids will allow.
6:50: Handsome Stranger leaves.
7:00: Bathtime for two kiddos
7:15: Read a bedtime story with said kiddos.
7:25: Administer allergy medicine and kiss two kiddos goodnight.
7:30: Listen to the ringing in my ears because the house is so quiet.

Sleep tight, sweet children.

Warning: Not for the faint of heart!

Imagine my delight to wake up to this sight this morning:Aah, a nice warm house! I have to publicly thank my husband for getting up before the sun to make sure we had a beautiful warm house this morning before he left at a quarter 'til dawn. I just want to take a moment to talk to him, so now is where everyone else should stop reading if you don't want TMI.

The word love is so overused, we have to be careful it's not tossed around in the jumble of words that so casually fall out of our mouths each day. We say we love someone, then one minute later we say we love a song or a tv show! But I want to be sure to define it a little more clearly tonight. I love my husband. I could leave it at that, but I need to be a little less timid maybe, to shout it from the rooftop, so to speak. You are the air that I breathe. You are the human I understand the best and the only person who understands me much at all! I tend to talk a lot to say a little(as if you didn't know) and still you listen until I get to the point, long enough to realize I have one. You show such strength outwardly, but I alone get to see all of your gentleness and tenderness. I know that I am the heart beating in your chest as you are the heart beating within mine. You are unafraid to demonstrate your love to me, but I tend to be timid to express it in as many words. I get embarrassed, I make jokes, I get tongue-tied(I know, hard to believe) and maybe I am a little afraid that for all the words in my vast vocabulary, I cannot find adequate words to express the depth of how I feel. You are the most of everything. You are such a generous and incredible lover. I am very timid to talk about it, I know, but please know that it is not because I am unfulfilled, but because I do not want to make anyone else feel bad because I have it so great. You are it for me. You define who I am and what I have become. Everything I do is to measure up to who you know I can be. I know you have had me on a pedestal for many years. I can only hope that I am half the person to everyone else that I am as seen through your eyes. Yet somehow, when I fall off that pedestal, as I often do, you are also the one to help me up and dust me off. I am grateful that I can feel your love so strongly back. I sometimes wonder if maybe it is even too deep for my comprehension. I know that mere words trivialize it, but I recognize the need to express the words I can find. I know I wrote a song for you many years ago, and I have to confess something. It was my first attempt, and musically, I felt it was lacking to express my feelings. I know that you have always cherished it and I love you all the more for it, but I used to think I could write a better one for you. I realized tonight that there isn't a song in the world that would be good enough. I guess I should leave it at that for tonight.